Discipleship

I could not have imagined, 2 years ago when I started this blog, that discipleship would become such an increasingly important and central issue in my life.

Discipleship first meant to me learning. Learning, studying, discussing, cross-referencing, searching out the original Greek and Hebrew, writing, memorizing, etc.

My favorite book that I absolutely love next to the Bible, is the Cost of Discipleship. 4 years or so ago, I picked up the Cost of Discipleship and immediately the words hit me, and I thought, "it's so beautiful'. It was poetic, it was clear, I could understand it immediately, though at that time I knew nothing experiential about discipleship. The first chapter, with its exposition on cheap grace was so vivid, so illustrative. I never knew words could be put together in such a way.

So when I started this blog I picked up a quote, "When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die."

Inseparable is Discipleship and Obedience, obedience unto death. Discipleship means obedience, obedience that costs, and I have come to learn that the only kind of obedience God calls us to is the kind that costs. Discipleship is antithetical to enjoyment and convenience.

Art Katz's writings showed me clearly that the convenient, easy, natural kind of Christian faith is nothing but dead religion. Discipleship, consisting of trust and obedience, was the kind of thing Abraham had with God.

Leave all. Follow me.

Wow. God hasn't changed at all.


Intrinsic to our walk with God as disciples must be humility. Constant humility. There's not a day we don't sin. There's not a day we put ourselves first. There's not a day where there's something I should not have said or done. Ugh... this life is hopeless. Nevertheless, my life must be hidden with Christ in God. My perfection is not something deep within that I have to search out. It's something that is found in Christ, in the Spirit, where all things of the flesh cease, where there is no condemnation.


Like i always say, "In the Spirit I am perfect. In the soul I am being perfected. In the body I will be perfected, and all by Christ and the cross". In the Spirit I am dead to all flesh. In the Soul I am dying, daily. In the body, well, physical death will come.


Ever present before me in my walk with God is the desire for that, for apostolicity. What a word. To bear on my life that apostolic bearing. That's what I must want. Through Him alone I can receive grace and apostleship to the obedience of faith to all nations. In other words, Christ has empowered me with the holy Spirit and put His sending upon me to make disciples of all nations.




That longing for authenticity, for perfection, for the cross. I want that apostolic faith, that faith which alone can save, that faithfulness unto death. I want to be a vessel of His making, from His pattern, according to God's will and not according to my own.

before doing something, before succumbing to that fleshly itch to do, I must always ask myself, is that apostolic? Is that purely of God? Is that something that sprang from my poetic, vissionary, idealistic, carnal, and sinful, soul, ie. mind will and emotions. Did this birth out of the Spirit or spring into my mind? Is this going to be something that counts for eternity.

I often fall into loving and living for the "well and good ". But it's a totally different thing to be running, living, looking for, and that is which of God, of eternity, of truth, of Christ 100% and of me 0%.

Discipleship means simple-minded obedience. Where's the rationalization, the comtemplation, the mental preparation..? Just obey? The Spirit of God moves within you and gives that bitter, horrid cup. The Spirit, power of God, drives to you obey. Fear of God overcomes you. It's the last thing you want to do, but you must. And it's now or never - not tomorrow, not anytime, not never. It's now. My mind conjures of pictures of hell fire and screamings of the disobedient. Shivering in fear, I obey, but only because I must and not because I want to.

Obedience is the opposite of self-autonomy. I want to be in control of my life. I want to make my own decisions. I want to think for myself. I will decide whether I will do it, when I will do it, and how I will do it. You can only give suggestions.
That's the individualistic, self-autonomic mindset. That's the opposite of unity, of love.


I told God many times: "No. Never. That's no and that's it." Thank God He didn't listen to me, that God He is stronger than me and makes me do His will, because He is merciful and kind and good and loving and won't let me remain as I am, because if I remain as I am, I will suffer His wrath. "Today if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts."

That's all for now.

Shalom, Beka.