The reality of the Holy Spirit

Oh, I don’t know.

I feel divided. Split in two.

The world of the Bible seems to clash with the world I see and feel.

The world I know.

Life has become surreal. Like I know deep inside there is a greater reality than that which I see.

And it’s scary

What’s happening to me?

When I eat, I don’t even want to  taste the food anymore.

It almosts turns dry in my mouth.

My stomach cannot take food.

It is as if I can’t eat anymore.

What is happening to me?

It is as if my life means nothing to me anymore.

That somehow inside of me I know that

Everything I see, taste, touch, feel, and smell,

Doesn’t appeal to me.

There’s a greater reality –

Of God

Of YHWH

Inside of me.

To live = Christ

To die = gain

Do I really mean that?

Am I really willing to leave everything and everyone behind?

To follow a cross?

To follow a blood-stained pathway?

To leave my family,

To leave all my friends at church?

To leave this safe and secure home,

To leave this tangible world and all my treasures in it?

Am I really willing to die that the presence of God may come into this nation?

Or am I imagining something.

God help me.

I feel my spirit is stronger now.

It needs to be stronger still.

The world of the Bible,

The realm of God’s Holy Spirit,

It’s scary.

I don’t know what it’s like.

I have never seen it.

I have never seen an angel or a demon.

I have never seen death.

It takes great faith to believe in what I cannot see.

I have never seen Yeshua

I have never seen YHWH

Yet in my Spirit I have a deep assurance that I know Him,

At least a little of Him –

But more and more every day

How can I know Someone,

Whom I have never seen?

His Words, the only thing tangible,

Are being embedded into my heart.

Again Intangible

How do I die for Someone,

And believe in the work of that great Someone,

That I have never touched, or heard, with my senses.

My Spirit has, but physically, in my mind and soul I cannot imagine.

I do not want to imagine,

Or worship a God of my imagination.

I want to KNOW Him.

I want to known YHWH

What is heaven like?

What is it?

What is God like?

More than the physical.

Yet I often get distracted by the physical

Not truly knowing the spiritual reality.

Is it so, that when I am defeated and imprisoned physically,

That in my spirit, I have the victory, and am seated high in the heavens by YHWH’s side?

And that I have the greatest liberty?

It is so.

It is so indeed – that when I am hungry physically,

Sick physically,

Weak physically,

Suffering physically,

Tormented physically,

That the greater reality is that I am strong,

That I am fed by Christ,

That I am free,

That I have peace in spite of physical turmoil outside,

That I have joy in spite of sorrow outside?

That spiritual reality is a greater reality.

That is faith.

The substantiation of the Spiritual things God has promised,

The realization of things we do not see

TO know the things we do not see, are greater than the things we see.

God I need faith.

Only you can give me faith.

Only you can give me that life abundant.

Because though my physical body dies,

I live on by Your life

And to see that of those who may be physically living,

Some are spiritually dead.

Spiritually condemned

It’s not the life outside,

In the body,

That counts.

But the eternal,

Everlasting,

Abundant,

Spiritual life,

Inside.
In my spirit.

That is what counts, that is what matter.

What is that spiritual reality?

The reality I reach out to hold,

And cannot hold

That I want to touch,

And cannot touch,

That I want to see,

And cannot see?

And yet,

In spite of all that,

I know,

I just know,

I just believe,

And trust,

And depend on the faithfulness of God.

The faithfulness of God,

Which I cannot see,

Will hold me.

So even if I don’t see physically,

I must have to know that it simply is.

That is simply has already happened,

Though I do not see.

Flesh and blood can be destroyed and pass away.

But the eternal things of God,

The treasure I lay up in heaven,

The Spiritual gold,

The Spiritual silver,

And the Spiritual precious stones,

These are a great reality,

In me,

In God.

The Spiritual life begins now.

Now, on earth.

Belief, Faith begins now.

To lose the things that are known,

To receive the things unknown.

To lose the wisdom of the world,

And take on the “foolishness” of God,

God I need You,

Ever so much,

Ever so much more than I needed You before.

Thoughts – I can’t trust them.

I can’t trust my heart.

I can’t trust what I feel,

I can’t trust the tangible

For no sooner do I reach out and grab it,

And place my weight on it,

It gives way,

For it is sinking sand.

Yet on the Rock,

Christ,

The solid rock,

The only solid foundation,

Do I build my faith

Though I cannot see it,

I know,

I believe,

I KNOW,

It is there,

And underneath me,

Are everlasting arms,

So that I cannot fall

Never

Every thing I see,

I must one day leave behind,

And commit my soul into the One who made it.

God holds me in the palm of His hand

No matter what happens,

He is here with me,

To hold me and lead me,

Deeper in love with Him,

Further on the narrow way,

Like I am walking on the waves  of water

So that when the storms without roar,

Churn fiercely,

And trouble me,

I will not fear,

But I will walk on the Word of Christ,

Who said,
“Come.”