Discipleship

I could not have imagined, 2 years ago when I started this blog, that discipleship would become such an increasingly important and central issue in my life.

Discipleship first meant to me learning. Learning, studying, discussing, cross-referencing, searching out the original Greek and Hebrew, writing, memorizing, etc.

My favorite book that I absolutely love next to the Bible, is the Cost of Discipleship. 4 years or so ago, I picked up the Cost of Discipleship and immediately the words hit me, and I thought, "it's so beautiful'. It was poetic, it was clear, I could understand it immediately, though at that time I knew nothing experiential about discipleship. The first chapter, with its exposition on cheap grace was so vivid, so illustrative. I never knew words could be put together in such a way.

So when I started this blog I picked up a quote, "When Christ calls a man, he bids him come and die."

Inseparable is Discipleship and Obedience, obedience unto death. Discipleship means obedience, obedience that costs, and I have come to learn that the only kind of obedience God calls us to is the kind that costs. Discipleship is antithetical to enjoyment and convenience.

Art Katz's writings showed me clearly that the convenient, easy, natural kind of Christian faith is nothing but dead religion. Discipleship, consisting of trust and obedience, was the kind of thing Abraham had with God.

Leave all. Follow me.

Wow. God hasn't changed at all.


Intrinsic to our walk with God as disciples must be humility. Constant humility. There's not a day we don't sin. There's not a day we put ourselves first. There's not a day where there's something I should not have said or done. Ugh... this life is hopeless. Nevertheless, my life must be hidden with Christ in God. My perfection is not something deep within that I have to search out. It's something that is found in Christ, in the Spirit, where all things of the flesh cease, where there is no condemnation.


Like i always say, "In the Spirit I am perfect. In the soul I am being perfected. In the body I will be perfected, and all by Christ and the cross". In the Spirit I am dead to all flesh. In the Soul I am dying, daily. In the body, well, physical death will come.


Ever present before me in my walk with God is the desire for that, for apostolicity. What a word. To bear on my life that apostolic bearing. That's what I must want. Through Him alone I can receive grace and apostleship to the obedience of faith to all nations. In other words, Christ has empowered me with the holy Spirit and put His sending upon me to make disciples of all nations.




That longing for authenticity, for perfection, for the cross. I want that apostolic faith, that faith which alone can save, that faithfulness unto death. I want to be a vessel of His making, from His pattern, according to God's will and not according to my own.

before doing something, before succumbing to that fleshly itch to do, I must always ask myself, is that apostolic? Is that purely of God? Is that something that sprang from my poetic, vissionary, idealistic, carnal, and sinful, soul, ie. mind will and emotions. Did this birth out of the Spirit or spring into my mind? Is this going to be something that counts for eternity.

I often fall into loving and living for the "well and good ". But it's a totally different thing to be running, living, looking for, and that is which of God, of eternity, of truth, of Christ 100% and of me 0%.

Discipleship means simple-minded obedience. Where's the rationalization, the comtemplation, the mental preparation..? Just obey? The Spirit of God moves within you and gives that bitter, horrid cup. The Spirit, power of God, drives to you obey. Fear of God overcomes you. It's the last thing you want to do, but you must. And it's now or never - not tomorrow, not anytime, not never. It's now. My mind conjures of pictures of hell fire and screamings of the disobedient. Shivering in fear, I obey, but only because I must and not because I want to.

Obedience is the opposite of self-autonomy. I want to be in control of my life. I want to make my own decisions. I want to think for myself. I will decide whether I will do it, when I will do it, and how I will do it. You can only give suggestions.
That's the individualistic, self-autonomic mindset. That's the opposite of unity, of love.


I told God many times: "No. Never. That's no and that's it." Thank God He didn't listen to me, that God He is stronger than me and makes me do His will, because He is merciful and kind and good and loving and won't let me remain as I am, because if I remain as I am, I will suffer His wrath. "Today if you hear His voice, do not harden your hearts."

That's all for now.

Shalom, Beka.

My Only Boast - Pt 2

Part 2 - The Understanding of the Word

It was at this point in life, after reading the entire Bible through in a month, of which fact I don't look back with any pride, my I began to memorize scripture, and attempted to memorize the entire book of Colossians. It is shameful to tell you the actual reason why I did so. We Chinese have an attitude and way of life called the "Kiasu Spirit" - literally "the fear of losing". "Kiasu" means an attitude, a way of life bent on not losing, literally "I will fight, I will kill, I will give all my money, I will work until I drop dead, I will trample on everything and anything," soasmuch as to attain my goal, because it is important to me. I was very "kiasu" to outdo every one in Sunday school at Bible Quizzes, "Kiasu" to read the entire BIble through in a month, and now "Kiasu" to outdo every one at memorizing Scripture. Of course all "Kiasu" is of the flesh and is carnal, and the very word breathes a spirit of pride and haughtiness, that "I can do better than anyone else". What a motivation.

I threw myself  wholeheartedly into memorizing Colossians. I wrote it out, twice. I read it many times through. I read it every day until the pages started falling out.

I would like to say that I never really had a "wonderful" "lifechanging" particular experience with God that I could date. But I can tell you for a fact, "God is the rewarder of those who diligently seek Him" (Hebrews 11)

At this point, I would like to quote a "short" testimony I wrote awhile back, for perhaps you may find it helpful and it fills it some gaps in my story.

Why Couldn’t I Understand the Bible?

A lot of people, I’m sure, were like me at one point or another, and perhaps still am. The Bible once seemed a complete mystery to me. It didn’t make any sense. It didn’t seem to apply to my life, or change me, or anything. I knew the facts, I knew all the “stories”, I could answer all the questions that the Sunday-school teacher asked. I knew the Parables, I knew the Gospel, and I knew who created the heaven and earth, so what?

Even after reading through the Bible in three months NOTHING seemed to penetrate. I felt like I was just scratching the surface over and over again, like someone searching for gold but only uncovering soil and soil.

Now I believed God in His word, and I believe that He was God, and He was Creator, and He saved me from sin, but I only knew that God did this and God did that, I didn’t know God as the God who IS, who WAS, and WHO IS TO COME. I didn’t know GOD, and who HE was. I only knew what He did.

It usually starts like that.

Hebrews 11 1 Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, the evidence of things not seen.2 For by it the elders obtained a good testimony.

3 By faith we understand that the worlds were framed by the word of God, so that the things which are seen were not made of things which are visible.

Our journey must begin on the basis of faith, even if it just believing that God Almighty is the creator of heaven and earth, etc. We must have FAITH to begin with. Faith comes by hearing, and hearing the word of God (Romans 10:17)

But when our journey progresses, works MUST come after us. Faith saves us, but is inside. Works are the things on the outside that show evidence of what is inside. Sometimes people may have only the outside and lack the inside. Then those works are dead. We must have a living faith in the living God for our works to be living.

James 2

14 What does it profit, my brethren, if someone says he has faith but does not have works? Can faith save him? 15 If a brother or sister is naked and destitute of daily food, 16 and one of you says to them, “Depart in peace, be warmed and filled,” but you do not give them the things which are needed for the body, what does I tprofit? 17 Thus also faith by itself, if it does not have works, is dead.

18 But someone will say, “You have faith, and I have works.” Show me your faith without your[d] works, and I will show you my faith by my[e] works. 19 You believe that there is one God. You do well. Even the demons believe—and tremble! 20 But do you want to know, O foolish man, that faith without works is dead?[f] 21 Was not Abraham our father justified by works when he offered Isaac his son on the altar?22 Do you see that faith was working together with his works, and by works faith was made perfect? 23 And the Scripture was fulfilled which says, “Abraham believed God, and it was accounted to him for righteousness.”[g]And he was called the friend of God. 24 You see then that a man is justified by works, and not by faith only.

25 Likewise, was not Rahab the harlot also justified by works when she received the messengers and sent them out another way?

Notice James repeats again and again that faith without works is dead? So works without faith, I believe is dead also. My father quoted from somebody once, that faith and works are like two oars, without one or the other we simple go round and round in circles in our walk with God. Belief/Faith is not enough! Even the demons believe in God – but they are trembling!

Hebrews 11:8 By faith Abraham obeyed when he was called to go out to the place which he would receive as an inheritance. And he went out, not knowing where he was going. 9 By faith he dwelt in the land of promise as in a foreign country, dwelling in tents with Isaac and Jacob, the heirs with him of the same promise; 10 for he waited for the city which has foundations, whose builder and maker is God. 

11 By faith Sarah herself also received strength to conceive seed, and she bore a child[b] when she was past the age, because she judged Him faithful who had promised. 12 Therefore from one man, and him as good as dead, were born as many as the stars of the sky in multitude—innumerable as the sand which is by the seashore.

By faith Abraham obeyed (Works). He obeyed and went out. If he simply said he had the faith but didn’t go out to the place God called him that is not faith at all. So also Sarah.

Hebrews 11 verse 6 But without faith it is impossible to please Him, for he who comes to God must believe that He is, and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

By FAITH Abraham OBEYED, hand in hand. Without faith we cannot please God, no matter what we do. We MUST have faith. Faith is what saves us. Works are what show that we are saved. Here we come to the Key of my sharing – God is the rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

I had faith in God, I didn’t know Him personally yet, but I believed Him to be the rewarder of those who diligently sought Him. And so I continued to try and read His word, which seemed dry and boring to me. I struggled to memorize it, to meditate on it, and for months I seemed like nothing was happening. I had the faith, I obeyed Him by trying to read His Word, though it seemed fruitless, and then over time God rewarded me.

God WILL reward you, no matter how hard it is, no matter how tiresome it seems, no matter how boring you think the Bible is, no matter how you struggle and struggle and struggle, because GOD is faithful, you must be faithful too. You be faithful, you diligently seek Him –He will reward you. It doesn’t happen overnight. It doesn’t happen suddenly, or the first time we pick up the Bible and decide to read it. Infact, the first time you try to read it you probably wouldn’t “get anything down your system”.

Do you know that God’s Word is a living Word, and it is God speaking to you? Do you want to hear what God is saying and not what the world is saying? Of course! But of course it is very difficult. When all your life you listen to the dead words of a dying world that is all that you are accustomed to then of course you will not be able to take the living Words of a living God so easily. You have been trained, your sense have been trained, your mind has been filled with the wisdom of this world.

God revealed Himself to me slowly, it came not all at once. Through memorizing His Word, I came to understand more and more. I copied the Book of Colossians in the beginning because I found reading tiresome and sleepy. Copying helped me stay awake, and to concentrate instead of skimming over words. My handwriting was terrible at first, and as my writing progressed, so did my spirit. I ended up memorizing it, and these words here.

When God gives you understanding and revelation of His Word, it doesn’t come over night. He doesn’t give it to you all at once, otherwise I probably would have become a proud know-it-all, like before. The understanding of God’s Word comes over time, and even experienced Christians still receive more and more revelation as they continue to seek God.

Slowly, I actually began to enjoy God’s Word, and learn more and more every day. Ps Susan always says that God’s Word is a requiring Word, and God never wastes His words. God became to require from me things which I never dreamed off before. He led to me learn obedience, and diligence, and showed me what a wretched sinner I had been and still in a way was. He showed me the narrow way, a way so narrow you can’t even lean one way or the other without falling. The ways is so straight and narrow.

Matthew 7

7 “Ask, and it will be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you. 8 For everyone who asks receives, and he who seeks finds, and to him who knocks it will be opened. 9 Or what man is there among you who, if his son asks for bread, will give him a stone? 10 Or if he asks for a fish, will he give him a serpent? 11 If you then, being evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask Him! 12 Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.

See here is the promise. Ask. I heard in a CD by David Pawson, that the verb is in present continous tense, in the originally Greek. The last thing this verse is talking about is monetary and physically gifts from God, nay! Keep asking, and it will be given to you; Keep seeking and you will find; Keep knocking, and it will be opened to you. Even a simple passage like this a great treasure to me. What do you think Jesus is talking about – doesn’t it speak something to your spirit? Yes, my heavenly Father gives good things to me, blessed wonderful things! The chapter goes on to say:

“Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. 14 Because[a] narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.

So narrow, so difficult, and that’s where the grace of God comes in. I heard this illustration from Aunty Dorothy, and read it in Wiersbe’s Bible Commentary too. The narrow road’s entrance holds a banner which says, “Whomsoever will”, and once you step in, and turn around, behind is written “Chosen”. Indeed we are all called to the Way, which is Christ, those who enter are chosen, but we MUST remain faithful, for God IS the rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.

What a joy the word of God is – I do not enjoy it in a way that is fleshly, or carnal, for in the third chapter of James it says,

13 Who is wise and understanding among you? Let him show by good conduct tha his works are done in the meekness of wisdom. 14 But if you have bitter envy and self-seeking in your hearts, do not boast and lie against the truth. 15 This wisdom does not descend from above, but is earthly, sensual, demonic. 16 For where envy and self-seeking exist, confusion and every evil thing are there. 17 But the wisdom that is from above is first pure, then peaceable, gentle, willing to yield, full of mercy and good fruits, without partiality and without hypocrisy. 18 Now the fruit of righteousness is sown in peace by those who make peace.

The word of God will become like a sword that will pierce you, a mirror that shows you how dirty you are (Hebrews 4, James 1), YET IT IS LIFE! IT IS TRUTH! Amen.

I will continue this article in a series of articles I write for my blog. If you truly struggle but seek to love God’s Word, please read the Psalm 119 and Joshua 1:8

Joshua 1:8 (New King James Version)

8 This Book of the Law shall not depart from your mouth, but you shall meditate in it day and night, that you may observe to do according to all that is written in it. For then you will make your way prosperous, and then you will have good success.

My Only Boast

(Gal 6:14 The Scriptures 1998+)  And for me, let it not be that I should boast except in the stake of our Master YHWSHA Messiah, through whom the world has been impaled to me, and I to the world.

A Testimony to the Mercy of God as Manifest in My Life

YHWH, let my life be a living testament to cross of our Lord Yeshua the Messiah, and may it never cease to me a life lived in the light of Your glory and in the power of Your ressurection. Amen.

Discovering God is a wonderful experience, and one that will take you through your whole life. A relationship with Him is ever so precious, because with the dawning of every new day, He shows Himself to us, in His lovingkindness, faithfulness, and abundant mercy.


Let the wicked forsake his way, and the unrighteous man his thoughts: and let him return unto the LORD, and he will have mercy upon him; and to our God, for he will abundantly pardon. For my thoughts are not your thoughts, neither are your ways my ways, saith the LORD. For as the heavens are higher than the earth, so are my ways higher than your ways, and my thoughts than your thoughts. For as the rain cometh down, and the snow from heaven, and returneth not thither, but watereth the earth, and maketh it bring forth and bud, that it may give seed to the sower, and bread to the eater: So shall my word be that goeth forth out of my mouth: it shall not return unto me void, but it shall accomplish that which I please, and it shall prosper in the thing whereto I sent it.
(Isa 55:7-11)

Every morning I awake, early or late, I have learnt and am teaching myself to begin the day praising God. This is not easy, some days I feel like a Christian, and some days I don't. Many days I oversleep and wake up groggy and grouchy. However, one thing I have learnt is to the Praise the Name of the LORD, every day.

One of the most wonderful gifts God has given me is the continued revelation of Himself to me. There are so many different awesome aspects and wonderful characters of God I have not yet discovered, but one thing I have learnt from Him, and that is His name.

A wise Christian once said, "You don't know what you don't know".* I may think I know a lot, but actually I don't know what I'm missing out - I have no idea of the things I do not know.  I may think I know God, and that I know He is love - but that knowledge is only that of the mind - I have not yet experiencially known His love, His love has not become a living reality to me.

For this cause I bow my knees unto the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, Of whom the whole family in heaven and earth is named, That he would grant you, according to the riches of his glory, to be strengthened with might by his Spirit in the inner man; That Christ may dwell in your hearts by faith; that ye, being rooted and grounded in love, May be able to comprehend with all saints what is the breadth, and length, and depth, and height; And to know the love of Christ, which passeth knowledge, that ye might be filled with all the fulness of God.
(Eph 3:14-19)

I was born into a faithful Christian family. My parents and grandparents and great great grandparents served God. My parents were active in church, worship-leading, praying, etc. I grew up reading God's Word with my parents every day. I was sure who I believed in - I was sure God was real, that He was love, and that He sent His only begotten son into the world. I knew all about the Bible, I learnt all about the Bible - I knew more than most Christian children about the Kings, about Abraham, and the Parables and Miracles, yes I knew a lot of facts. Yet God was not an intruding reality in my life. I prayed, yes, with others and at mealtimes, but I did not have a consistent prayer relationship with God. I knew who God was, yet I did not know who God was. I read the Bible, but I was more interested in stories, not in teachings. When I read the Epistles, for example, I clearly remember it as an exercise of reading, just reading words. None of it became a living word in my life, yet.

You see, I knew God in my mind, and I thought I knew a lot. God proved me wrong. There was still so much I had to learn.

The first revelation God gave me was that of sin. Sin, you may know, is pleasurable.  Sin is fun. Sin is enjoyable to me, to my flesh. Is it not enjoyable to triumph myself over others, to think how wonderful and clever I was, that I could quote more verses and remember all the ten commandments. Sin was exciting. Sin was the sneaky enjoyment I got when I could fool my parents into thinking I was eating vitamins but stuck them all behind my clothes closet one by one. Of course I had sin. Of course I lied, took things that were not mine, cheated, secretly went on the internet to play games, rebelled against my parents etc. It did occur to me that I was any less sinful than anyone else. I felt sin had a grasp in my life. I knew then that I was not saved, yet.

This revelation came over a period of time. During that time I was reading the Bible through and started attending a house church my parents. The preaching was very Biblical. My mom forced me to stop doing homework for a month and just read the Bible, every day. I remember being very adverse to anything of God. I remember being very bored with reading the word and complaining my time was wasted; it didn't make any sense to me; I already knew all the stories = what for?

This passage became alive for me, and I was very proud of the fact no one else could understand Romans 7.

(Rom 7:7)  What shall we say then? Is the Torah sin? God forbid. Nay, I had not known sin, but by the Torah: for I had not known lust, except the Torah had said, Thou shalt not covet.

Even though God's Word was not real to me, I came under conviction of sin. The Torah had shown me how sinful I was, inside. I sinned because I was a sinner.

(Rom 7:8)  But sin, taking occasion by the commandment, wrought in me all manner of concupiscence. For without the law sin was dead.

But this knowledge, of God, of holiness, did not stop me from sinning. In fact, I because worse, and more desperate.

(Rom 7:9)  For I was alive without the law once: but when the commandment came, sin revived, and I died.

Without knowing the word of God, I was "alive" in sin, just blissfully and innocently doing what was natural to me. But when I understoof the commandments of God, I realized that what manner of death was in me. I realized I was a sinner.


(Rom 7:10)  And the commandment, which was ordained to life, I found to be unto death.

The Word of God, which was supposed to bring life to me, only made me realized what kind of pit of sin I was wallowing in.

(Rom 7:11)  For sin, taking occasion by the commandment, deceived me, and by it slew me.
(Rom 7:12)  Wherefore the torah is holy, and the commandment holy, and just, and good.


The Torah of God brings life (Ps 19), but to those in death it only serves to show them their own sinful, evil, state.


(Rom 7:13)  Was then that which is good made death unto me? God forbid. But sin, that it might appear sin, working death in me by that which is good; that sin by the commandment might become exceeding sinful.

(Rom 7:14)  For we know that the law is spiritual: but I am carnal, sold under sin.

This verse was very real to me. I remember in February of 2008 I was just crying out to God by myself, to deliver me from certain sins. I turned from the sin and never went backt to that again, but the guilt was still there. I knew God forgives and forgets, but I still was very self-condemned. I felt I was not saved. I toyed with the idea that perhaps I had commited some unforgivable sin, but it didn't strike me as true. I was still under a lot of condemnation.

I would like to say that one of the worst lies of the devil to convince people that they have commited the unforgivable sin and can never be forgiven. In effect, the evil one is trying to downplay the word of Christ on the cross and convince you that it is uneffective. That is not true. The word says clearly:
(1Jn 1:9)  If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.

I remember clearly an incident where I was reading this, crying and wondering what to do. You probably know what it feels like to have such a weight on your heart. As I look back, I realize all this is gone. My heart is light and full of joy. I know know that through the blood of the Messiah all sin has been washed away. Thank God!

(Rom 7:15)  For that which I do I allow not: for what I would, that do I not; but what I hate, that do I.

It described my feelings exactly. I knew what what right to do; but I could not do it.


(Rom 7:16)  If then I do that which I would not, I consent unto the law that it is good.

I know in my heart God's Word was true and good.


(Rom 7:17)  Now then it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.

Sin was controlling my life.


(Rom 7:18)  For I know that in me (that is, in my flesh,) dwelleth no good thing: for to will is present with me; but how to perform that which is good I find not.

Exactly my sentiments. I felt such a joining and "kinship" with this passage, for it reflected my heart.


(Rom 7:19)  For the good that I would I do not: but the evil which I would not, that I do.

*sigh* *desperation*


(Rom 7:20)  Now if I do that I would not, it is no more I that do it, but sin that dwelleth in me.


(Rom 7:21)  I find then a law, that, when I would do good, evil is present with me.


(Rom 7:22)  For I delight in the law of God after the inward man:


(Rom 7:23)  But I see another law in my members, warring against the law of my mind, and bringing me into captivity to the law of sin which is in my members.


(Rom 7:24)  O wretched man that I am! who shall deliver me from the body of this death?

I felt like this was screaming in me.

I read on. I read the following verse again and again. Now, I felt, Paul had lost touch. Of course I knew it was true, but reading this verse again and again, I did not feel very grateful to God, nor did I feel delivered.

(Rom 7:25a)  I thank God through Jesus Christ our Lord.




(Rom 7:25b)So then with the mind I myself serve the law of God; but with the flesh the law of sin.

??? Question marks, lots of them.

=Continued in Part 2; Stay tuned for tomorrow=

* Dr Michael L Brown, askdrbrown.org See "Resources", under "Revival", sermon "Acts 10 - If God says its clean it's clean"